I think i am having serious depression. (If dor going to know this, she's going to freak out.) I start to hear voices again. It seems to be more serious this time. I don't know which is the real voice anymore. I start to ignore people because i thought they were just things i hear. I had sleepless night too. No matter how tired i am, tired till i had headaches, i still cannot get to sleep. I had lots in my mind. When i fell asleep at last, my brain just don't want to wake up to face the real world. It feels like i am in coma. I can hear all the noise from the real world, I know i must wake up, but my brain just command my whole body to sleep. (How i wish one day i really don't wake up at all.)
Anyway, my devil is going to win over my angel. I am not having any positive thoughts. This debate is going towards the dead end. It seems like my devil talk more sense. My devil just had more supporting points.. Haha.
I know mama is very sad & disappointed with me. She always wanted her children to get into university (want her kids to bring her glory, so that she can lessen the hate of grandpa towards her). She wanted us to be like our smart cousins. That's the reason why I chose JC, instead of poly to persue early childhood. I wanted to bring glory for her. Both my parents had high hopes on me. But higher hopes=higher disappointment rite?? I guess that's what they got. I can feel the difference at home. It's just like the cast level we studied in history. My level dropped. Daddy seems to not like me for some reasons. They have been asking what i want to do next. But i really don't know the answer. Because somehow, deep in my heart, i know my devil will be the winner.
Tata~
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