Saturday, June 30, 2007

I am going crazy!!

I think i am having serious depression. (If dor going to know this, she's going to freak out.) I start to hear voices again. It seems to be more serious this time. I don't know which is the real voice anymore. I start to ignore people because i thought they were just things i hear. I had sleepless night too. No matter how tired i am, tired till i had headaches, i still cannot get to sleep. I had lots in my mind. When i fell asleep at last, my brain just don't want to wake up to face the real world. It feels like i am in coma. I can hear all the noise from the real world, I know i must wake up, but my brain just command my whole body to sleep. (How i wish one day i really don't wake up at all.)

Anyway, my devil is going to win over my angel. I am not having any positive thoughts. This debate is going towards the dead end. It seems like my devil talk more sense. My devil just had more supporting points.. Haha.

I know mama is very sad & disappointed with me. She always wanted her children to get into university (want her kids to bring her glory, so that she can lessen the hate of grandpa towards her). She wanted us to be like our smart cousins. That's the reason why I chose JC, instead of poly to persue early childhood. I wanted to bring glory for her. Both my parents had high hopes on me. But higher hopes=higher disappointment rite?? I guess that's what they got. I can feel the difference at home. It's just like the cast level we studied in history. My level dropped. Daddy seems to not like me for some reasons. They have been asking what i want to do next. But i really don't know the answer. Because somehow, deep in my heart, i know my devil will be the winner.

Tata~

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Shopping Alone

Today I went library to return books and went shopping after that. Was all alone for the whole time. But I like the feeling. It gives me time to clear my mind. I just feel like being alone, shopping here & there, wondering like an aimless soul, looking at cute and pretty stuffs. I bought gifts for myself and my two sis. I miss my elder sis. It's like a long time since we share talks. I hope she's doing fine in life, work and school.


At times, i really feel that i had convinced myself. I had enough energy to move on. But it's not true at all. I haven't even take the first step out, in believing in reality. The truth is that no matter how perfect i talk about my decisions, how perfect i had planned it and make it sound so perfect & make it like they are things i will do, i still cannot face reality, which is the most important & very first step i need to take. I really have no courage & energy to face reality. Who is there to help & understand me. I am just a weakling..

Photo Story

Photo Story

Photos took while waiting for Songs of the sea to start:





A quick photo b4 I went to meet Ling on Monday:
Any difference in my hair??
Photo @ grandma's house


Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Yesterday





Time waits for no one~ The Girl Who Leapt Through Time-Highly recommended show!!! Haha. Thx to ling who intro me another nice jap anime... The movie yesterday was super nice. & was really happy to meet up with you!! & it's the 1st time i went out with you without buying anything. Haha. But we still spent quite a lot on food. Lala. Send me photos soon!! Yups. Yesterday went out with ling.. We went orchard. Shop till 8 plus.. She at last got a dress. ( Shall meet up soon ling..) The book is back to me le.. Eunice say her uncle need it on thursday night. How we going finish??!! Haha. Okie. Let me finish watching Why Why Love ep4 then do typing. Tata~

(P.S. Thx bash 4 helping me send tings.. ;) )

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Random

When my heart hurts, who's going to heal it??
When everyone misunderstood me, who's going to understand me??
When tears are flowing down my cheeks, who's going to wipe them off??
When i have things which i don't know how to put into words, who's going to be the silent listener??
When i really feel like leaving this world, who can be the one who'll make me stay??
When i am really tired, who can be the one to lean on??
When i really have no more energy, who will help me 'jia you"??
When i have no more courage to move on, who will give me a kick from behind??
When i am lost, who will find me & lead me out of misery??
When i have something to say, who should i tell??

New Blog skin

I missed my dinner with Ling, i missed my tv shows, i hang up on dor & i forgot completely about Mayflower alumni gathering, but i still cannot finish 100 pg of typing. So, i passed it back to wei. She should be busy typing now. (So sorry wei, i tried hard le.. You must jia you!!) Haha. I changed new blog skin again. My sis say i am so "zi lian". But i don't care. I like the skin. Hee. wei say i should use happy colour for my blog then i'll be happy. So i changed to orange.. Special colour for a blog skin huh?? Anyway, i have been facing the computer for days. I shall stop now.. Sorry ling, wei & dor.

(P.S. I can't wait to meet you on Monday ling!! Thx lover for hearing me crap. Soo An, i sent you an e-card.)

Friday, June 22, 2007

Time For Updates

Izzit time for updates?? YES!! Haha.. My Life have been quite fun these few days. Just got a bomb yesterday. Appeal for NUS got rejected. I cried. I felt pain in my heart. But what more can I do??
Let's not talk about unhappy stuffs. Get back to Sunday should we?? As I said, i'll update about sunday. My uncle & aunt went austrilia. They bought all of us gifts. I took photos of them. Monday, i went to watch campus superstar with wei. We stayed for the results as requested by wei. (hehe. My mama didn't scold me..) I got to know some "news". Elaine & Fukuan were the best!! Haha. So proud. Both from schools i studied in. Saw Mr Sim. Wanna thx him for all the concern. Thx!! You're the best!! Tuesday went to Sentosa. There were 10 people all together. Mama, 3rd aunt, 5th aunt, Adeline, Gary, Teck Hui, Teck Boon, Yu Xian, Enen & me.. We went to watch songs of the sea. It's SUPER NICE. Especially the last part, the FIREWORKS!! Haha. I had lots fun on that day. Highlights were the times when we walked to the sky tower, i had a great laugh with Adeline & the time when i carried enen in the sea. The waves were too high that it hit right over poor enen's head. (She end up eating sand & drinking sea water. =X) Enen was very cute when she played in the foundation too. (I think 5th Aunt got photos of that.) Wednesday & Thursday, nothing much happened. I was at home.
Today, mama accompany daddy for his back check-up. So i woke up quite early. Did the laundry & bit of data-entry. (Wei. I don't think we can finish on time. Work for whole day also not possible finish la.. Call them increase the pay & lengthen the time!! Haha..) I cook noodle soup. Hee. Very nice. Okie.. Enjoy the photos. I going continue typing le. Tata~ She went back home..
Photo Story

Gifts From Austrilia
6 different flavours Nongurt
Pink & white cap

Sentosa Tickets


My Creation-Funky Photos




My Sis creation-Crazy from studying

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Contacts lost

You don't get a perfect life. Today was such a perfect day. Going to grandma's house & catching up with all my dearest cousins. I was really happy & enjoying my day. But when i get home, something not very nice happened. I lost all my contacts. Maybe it's fated.. Anyway, if you ever read this, please sms me your contacts for updates. Thanks.. I shall talk more about today when i am in the mood. Tata~

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Went back to Innova

Haha.. I think innovians are getting more and more privileges. They got so many new things!! Yups yups. I went back to innova with bash today. We went to collect graduation certificate. The booklet is so nice. We went shopping at AMK hub after that. We bought lots things... Happy!! Hee. I going work & buy more things which i saw and wanted them so much!! Tata~

A new pair of sandals. (bash got a black one too.


Iron-on patches i bought

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Hihihi

Hello to all.. Madeleine is back.. (Still alive too.) It's time to face reality huh?? Anyway, just want to let all who care know that I am fine & thanks lots for your concern. I am real lucky to have friends & family like you all.. What have i been doing recently?? Hmm.. Trying very hard to get out of depression & waiting for a miracle. I saw a rainbow the other day, is it a sign of miracle?? (I really pray hard & hope so..) Oh ya.. I learnt a new skill recently. Hehe. Not any skill to be very proud of, but i like it very much. Want to know what's it?? ASK ME!! Haha. Can sense that Madeleine is back again?? I think i sensed it.. Hee.. I am missing lots of people & i love all whom i miss.. Tata~